Man Allegedly Wants To Marry His Porn-Filled Laptop

A dude in Florida wants to marry his laptop? I say let him because it will never last. In less than 6 months, that computer will be so outdated he’ll be begging for a divorce.

In an attempt to argue against gay marriage, Chris Sevier has allegedly said he wishes to marry his “porn-filled Apple computer.” The argument he is attempting to make is that if homosexuals can marry their “object” of desire than he can marry whatever he wants. There is no proof, but I am certain he got this idea while watching a Joaquin Phoenix film.

I say let this dumb dumb marry his computer so we can finally stop arguing over which states have normal human laws and which ones are still super backwards and won’t let gays get married. The only real issue I have with this guy marrying his porn-filled laptop is I don’t know if it falls under the category of SyFy or polygamy.