Why Canned Cranberry Sauce Is The Best Part Of Thanksgiving
Every Thanksgiving people everywhere congregate with their best culinary creations in tow for the ultimate pot luck: Thanksgiving. Often times this leads to people working as hard as they can to create a dish that will wow their company. What they fail to realize, though, is that simpler is better when it comes to Thanksgiving. And what could be simpler than the best part of every thanksgiving table: canned, jellied cranberry sauce. Before you go "wow, this guy is an idiot," and look up pictures of cats with funny captions, just consider the following list of reasons as to why the can shaped delicacy is flawless and then go stock up on approximately 82 cans of the good stuff to hoard all for yourself on Turkey Day.
Sure, some Thanksgiving foods should be meant to challenge your palette with a complex array of flavors that you have never experienced before. This is not one of those foods. This is meant to be cut into slices from a can-shaped log, and sucked down in between bites of way-too-dry white meat from your aunt who just HAD to cook the turkey.
Canned cranberry sauce is great for its versatility. By versatility, I don't mean the number of applications it serves in the meal. I mean the number of different reasons for which you can be caught trying to ingest an entire can in one bite. One such reason is to laugh about the concept of eating something shaped like a can while you eat it. To some, canned cranberry sauce tastes like comedy more than it does cranberries, and that is a beautiful thing.
Anyone who has eaten this stuff has probably been immature enough to jiggle it around on their plate as if it were a hunk of Jell-O. Then again, I may just be assuming because of my own immaturity. Either way, if you've ever made Jell-O before, you can say from experience that making Jell-O is worse than losing an arm in a wood chipper. After about 0.2 seconds of pouring the powder into the hot water, whether it's still on the heat or not, it will bubble over and give you eleventh degree burns. Cranberry sauce gives you all the fun, with none of the frustration.