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Relationship Advice Can Come From Anywhere

So since this here thing I do is all about sex and relationships, and those chick rags are just chock full of good headlines (if not content) for sex and relationship advice, I went to Cosmo to look for a topic for today’s post. Figured I’d just spin it so it’s relevant to girls and guys, and do it in a less 80s glam and more hardcore rocker way.

jpockele, flickr

I’m always surprised how much I already know about sex and relationships than what Cosmo thinks their average reader knows. I haven’t known very many people who know as little as Cosmo thinks their average reader knows. But then, they say like attracts like.

I guess I forgot what utter garbage Cosmo is. But I’m the total date package! So sayeth the date quiz. Cause guys like girls who aren’t too difficult or easy to please.

I know people who read magazine and newspaper advice columns religiously, looking for the secret to making their life perfect, and their relationship happy, without ever really doing much research into their own relationship. I ask them questions about their partner, and they stare blankly as if I asked them to explain quantum physics.

Wanna know us sex advisers’ dirty little secret? The secret to a happy relationship isn’t in any advice column. Sure, we often point out things you never thought of before, or play devil’s advocate on the issues, or bring up something you’re too close to see. We can tell you what we’d do, what the countless books and articles about sex and relationships say you should do, what our books and articles say you should do, what people we know say you should do. And those things are helpful.

But when it comes right down to it, every relationship is different. Different combinations of likes and dislikes, pet peeves, politics, love style and sexuality. Different ideas of what kinds of irritations are overlookable, which simply can’t be ignored, and which are complete and total deal breakers.

Everyone wants to think they’ve got their own standards, and they’ll never falter, but what if your standards on, say, the definition of cheating, for example, are in direct conflict with those of society? You’re going to get a lot of advice about what to do when your partner cheats that doesn’t apply to you at all. Probably from trusted sources. It can sometimes be difficult to stand by what you believe when your most trusted sources tell you you’re wrong.

For that reason, a really important thing to remember about getting advice from anywhere (friends, family, strangers on the street who insist on talking to you while you wait for the bus, me!) is, the person doing the speaking doesn’t know you as well as you know yourself. They don’t know your partner that well either. Their advice is based solely on their experiences. Your results may vary. Take what you can and leave the rest, and all that jazz.

Read advice columns. Ask your loved ones for advice. But don’t get so caught up in what everyone else thinks that you can’t see what’s best for your relationship, either.

Don’t want to have sex before marriage? Screw the current culture. Save it for your future spouse.

Think cheating is defined as “when a partner has a relationship, sexual or otherwise, with another person without telling you” rather than “when a partner has a relationship, sexual or otherwise, with another person, period?” Don’t let someone talk you into getting mad at your partner for sleeping with someone else and being honest about it.

Prefer to look beyond flaws that would drive other people nuts (healthy jealousy, slight clinginess, odd social quirks, etc.), or even find yourself enjoying them? Don’t lend any weight to any arguments for why you “shouldn’t put up with” something that really isn’t that big of a deal to you.

Sometimes, it really is all about you. And whether or not you follow relationship advice from outside sources is one of those times.

Follow Rayne on twitter to get more helpful advice

 

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