FRANKENSTORM IS COMING!!!! Tips To Be Prepared
Frankenstorm is coming! Frankenstorm is coming! By now, everyone on the East Coast has heard of Hurricane Sandy's potential to bring winds, flooding, snow, hail, flying pumpkins and gourds to their backyards. When you're done shaking with terror, you should probably prepare. But, not to fret! We have detailed instructions to help you feel ready when the snoreastercanecolypse comes:
Stock Up On Food
Rush the grocery store, grab a cart and sprint inside Supermarket-Sweep style, but you're not going for the bread, eggs and milk like everyone else. Run by the swarming mobs of people in the dairy and bread aisles and head straight for breakfast foods. Now fill your cart with maple syrup. With all the bread, milk and eggs being purchased, one of your neighbors is guaranteed to have leftover French toast. You're gonna need some of Mrs. Butterworth's sweet nectar when they come over offering what they can't finish.
Prepare For Power Outage
I don't know why the news keeps telling people to stock up on flashlights and candles when light-up yo-yos exist. Go get a bunch of those.
Secure Stuff Outside
The storm's strong winds will give a chance to do that bonding with your lawn ornaments you've been meaning to get around to. So, bring in the gnomes, the flamingos, the pumpkin scarecrows and offer 'em a cold one! Lawn ornaments are never sorry for party rockin'.
Have A First Aid Kit On Standby
Be prepared to take care of your physical AND mental health should an emergency arise.
Now that you’re stocked up and huddled down, there’s nothing left to do but wait. And watch incessant coverage of the impending doom. And overeat upon the realization that you’ll never be as excited about anything in life ever as the weatherman is about this storm. (Weatherman depicted over there <——- not actual weatherman excited about THIS storm although he is a jolly handsome fellow.)
Feel Glad You’re Not THIS Guy
Feel bad about overeating, but then realize you’ll never have it as bad as this guy and sit back, relax and enjoy the warm glow of your yo-yos and the sound of the rain/hail/gourds pounding on the roof.