Elevator Etiquette

What do YOU do when confined in a small box with a swarm of people when your nose detects the faint odor of a noxious gas floating around the limited supply of oxygen?  Find out how I handle the situation when you read my blog. Far be it from me to start my first blog off with a gripe, but sometimes a little venting goes a long way.

A brief backstory:  I have a day job.  Everyday, I need to go to the 14th floor, so it's necessary for me to take the elevator.  Lately, people have been showing a HUGE lack of "elevator etiquette" and, frankly, it's becoming an issue for yours truly.  For example, it's REALLY difficult to hold your peace when someone goes up or down exactly one floor when there are no visible physical impediments to the individual preventing him/her from using the stairs - this includes women in high heels; if you have feet, use them instead of delaying me from my work because you couldn't walk down three steps in your heels to grab that extra king-size Snickers from the cafeteria.  Seriously, waste your time, not mine.

Another pet peeve when dealing with elevator delinquents is when someone your riding with thinks an enclosed case filled with people is a good time to unclench and release deadly, airborne-toxins that are so bad biological terrorists won't go near the surrounding area for hundreds of miles.  To those people, I say this:  don't try to act like you don't notice anything unusual or foul in the air.  We all know it was you and the next time it happens, don't be surprised when I follow you to your cube and give you a taste (or smell) of your own medicine.

As bad as sloths and gassers are, nothing beats the cell-phone talkers.  If I wanted to know what medication you take on a daily basis to help deal with the stress of your job, I would ask you to tell me about it before requesting a sample because it's going to be the only way I can get through the ride down the rabbit hole standing next to you.  The world is not going to spontaneously combust in the minutes you will be on the elevator, so what is it going to hurt to tell the person on the other end that you'll call them back shortly.  Cell phones are made to be convenient, but don't use them to annoy.  There is one bright spot in dealing with this particular breed of offender: you can easily mess with these people by responding to whatever they are saying to the other person on the phone.  From experience, I can tell you that you'll get some weird looks, but you make your point.

Next time you're on an elevator, be aware that other human beings are there sharing your misery with you.  Don't make the experience any worse than it already is because it's actually very simple to NOT be a d-bag.  People should try it more often.