I fear that I've failed in my quest to restore the spirit of Thanksgiving in America, and now, this is my last stand, because Americans will go shopping, it's hard to compete with a good sale, especially when you're not selling anything.

Americans will continue to refuse to celebrate Thanksgiving because of its origins, and that's fine by me, I feel sympathetic for the Native Americans, but I still want the food and the American football.

I can give up on my quest, but that is not the American thing to do, and that is why I have been doing this for 3 years.

Year 1.

Just like Miley, I came in like a wrecking ball, but unfortunately, no one wanted to see me naked, although I was so willing to do it for America.

People still went shopping, and I was labeled some kind of esoteric weirdo, and banned from one of the comedy clubs, because when they asked me "What are you passionate about?" I answered with "America."

Like a real American, like a real pioneer, I refused to give up.

Year 2.

In my second year of attempting to restore the spirit of Thanksgiving in America, I found encouragement, it seemed that people were finally listening to me, I think it was because of the war hammer.

Although I found encouragement, it could only take me so far in my quest, because people still went shopping on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, continued to consume the American celebration of food, family, football and parades.

Year 3.

This year, I slurped the turkey, I went on stage, with my turkey helmet and my war hammer, and gave my Thanksgiving speech.

I have been fighting the good fight, for America, for 3 years now.

I have come to the conclusion that America is not very good at anything, but shopping, because America's major export to the world is consumerism, that is what we do now, buy other peoples stuff, especially if it comes from Asia. Who am I to deny Americans, from doing what they do best?

Like I said in my Thanksgiving speech, today, yesterday and tomorrow is America at it's best: Yesterday was the busiest travel day of the year, today we watch parades, football and eat, before it's time to go shopping, but what we fail to realize, is that we are doing it together.

This Thanksgiving, embrace it: Embrace those who intend to ruin the holiday, by showing up to Thanksgiving looking for trouble, embrace those who choose the holiday to make an announcement that make the rest of your family & friends, question their morals or life style, because they may not be here tomorrow.

Embrace Thanksgiving and embrace Black Friday, because as long, as there is an America, there will always be a Thanksgiving, and there will always be a Black Friday.

America, Thanksgiving and Black Friday are not going away any time soon, and neither am I.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Gobble, gobble.