The Turkey Slurpee Challenge (Video)

In my quest to restore the spirit of Thanksgiving in America, I discovered a new holiday tradition, the "Turkey Slurpee Challenge." then I discovered it was dangerous, but I did it anyway.

My fellow Americans,

I slurped the turkey for America.

I slurped the turkey for Thanksgiving in America.

Not every man will slurp turkey for his country, but I did.

In America, we have misplaced the meaning of Thanksgiving, somewhere between all the traveling and shopping, but we have not lost our way, because we travel, so that we may go shopping.

We travel together, then we watch a parade, then we watch the Detroit Lions lose, and the Dallas Cowboys claim to be "America's team," then most of us go shopping together.

I, Dan America, slurped the turkey, and put my life at risk, I could of choked on that thick slab of processed turkey meat, but I did it, so that Americans can laugh together, because that is what Thanksgiving is all about.

Gobble, gobble.