Worst Bank Robber Ever Caught While Masturbating on Sidewalk
As any guy knows, the need for, um, release can sometimes be powerful and all-consuming. But there are probably better times to choke the chicken than in the aftermath of a bank robbery. Just sayin’.
In what police describe as a “stroke of luck” (see what they did there?), a man suspected of robbing a Seattle bank was recently caught masturbating on a public sidewalk. He was arrested after a pedestrian noticed him “having a good time with himself” in the doorway of a car dealership on New Year’s Day.
According to cops, the man is suspected of robbing an unspecified amount of cash from a U.S. Bank on New Year’s Eve. He reportedly demanded cash after notifying a teller that he had a bomb and escaped before police arrived, but his face was caught on the bank’s surveillance camera.
At the time of his arrest, the man insisted he wasn’t doing the five-knuckle shuffle. Instead, he told police he was simply trying to hide money in his pants. Riiiight. We’ve used that excuse ourselves and nobody believed us either. Also: maybe we’re alone here, but we’d much rather admit to masturbating than robbing a bank. Just us?
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