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Why You Should Watch Porn With Your Partner

Do you watch porn? Does your partner? Do you watch it together or apart? To me, these are some pretty important questions in a relationship.

flickr user HASLOO

I didn’t always think so, though. My family was kind of closeted when it came to sex, so I grew up thinking my insatiable appetite for all things erotic (stories, pictures, videos, etc.) was “dirty” and “wrong.” Guys should only admit to liking such things in certain company, and girls just plain shouldn’t like them.

What a crock.

It wasn’t until well into my relationship with M that we started watching porn together. He knew I watched porn, and I knew he watched porn, but we always did it on separate computers at separate desks. It didn’t even occur to me to do it any other way until I met a woman (“J”) who loved watching porn but wouldn’t watch it with her husband because she got irrationally jealous.

“S” (the husband) really liked to watch porn, and wanted J to watch it with him, so her jealousy was a problem. … And then I got J reviewing porn and she got over it.

That’s me. Always helping.

A lot of women (and a few men) I know in the sex blogosphere have gone through a period of jealousy over porn. I mean, really, how many of us look like porn stars? How many of us have sex like the people in mainstream porn? How many of us want to have sex like the people in mainstream porn? Some of the positions meant to give the audience a better view look damn uncomfortable, if you ask me!

Hell, James Franco says he made a sex tape with his girlfriend when he was 19 and decided, after watching it, that porn stars deserve a lot of credit for making sex look like more than two oversexed teenagers going at it as oversexed teenagers do. There is so much more that goes into a porn shoot than Average Joe considers when having sex with their partner because when we’re having sex with our partner it’s for us and not an audience of strangers who only care about the sex. Of course most of us can’t match the porn standard!

I say if you watch porn, and you’d like to watch with your partner, talk to them about it. If you have concerns, mention them. Listen to your partner’s concerns and address them. Use it as another way to connect.

One of the best things M and I have done together is begin exploring the vast world of pornography. We’ve discovered so much about our sexual selves from watching porn together. What better way to learn what turns you on than watching strangers on a screen?

It sounds corny, but a night of watching porn and touching and teasing and talking brought us to one of the Top Ten. You know those moments that are far too fleeting but will always be fresh in your mind as if they just happened. Moments that solidify for you the reality that you are exactly where you were supposed to be when they came.

But we don’t just watch porn. Something about its nature allows us to really open up to each other sexually when we watch. We explore each other mentally and physically. We talk about our fantasies and our sex life and our past sexual experiences. We don’t judge, and we’re open with each other. Some amazing sex has come of our porn sessions.

If you don’t like porn, you don’t like porn. But if you do, and your partner does, why aren’t you watching it together? Start! You can’t imagine where it will take you.

 

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