When’s The Last Time You Settled an Argument With Sex?
You know what I'm talking about. That angry, “I could totally knock your head off your shoulders!” sex that reminds you you're alive and your partner is, too, and life is grand. I mean, seriously pissed off, ready to knock each other's teeth out, can't stop swearing at each other...and then suddenly you're kissing sex. One of you's against the wall, you're both pushing each other away, but your bodies just keep slamming back together sex.Aha! I've got your attention now.
Many would tell you it's unhealthy. As a matter of fact, some would call it a distraction. An avoidance tactic. A way to take the focus off of the negative and put it on something that is almost always positive so you don't have to face the potentially relationship-threatening issue.
Besides, who wants to have sex when you're so pissed off you could punch your lover square in the nose if you weren't such a grown-up, anyway?
But here's the thing.
We are all adults here, right? We're old enough to know all about personal responsibility, and the difference between a serious issue and a momentary lapse in maturity, right?
If the answer to either of those questions is no, stop reading my sex advice. You're far too young. Get thee to www.scarleteen.com or www.sexetc.org and learn about sex in a far more age appropriate environment. And no, I don't mean “age appropriate” in the way that your parents mean age appropriate.
Since we're all adults here, and we all understand the difference between a serious issue and a momentary lapse in maturity, then we also understand that I'm not suggesting you settle arguments about, say, how to invest your life's savings, or who cheated on who first with angry monkey sex.
But if you're fighting over who got to choose dinner last, or who gets to watch their show on the night it premiers, then dude! Plant a smooch on your lover quick, fast and in a hurry and get that bow-chicka-wow-wow on before the moment passes and you're both laughing about how stupid you are. You can talk about why your way of loving is better than their way of loving while you're tangled in the sheets, barely able keep your eyes open, post coital bliss plastering permagrin on your lips.
There's always a but. And here's where that personal responsibility thing comes in.
If you do choose to partake of this delicious argument solver, be responsible about it.
Don't try to solve every problem with sex. Your partner won't appreciate it, and then you are using it as an avoidance tactic. If every single argument, at some point, naturally devolves into a hot make-out session, make a point to take a step back, not have sex, and focus on the problem. Have that rough make-up sex when your relationship issues are solved.
Avoid trying to solve major relationship issues with a quick roll in the hay. It doesn't help things. The problem doesn't get solved, and your partner ends up feeling like sex is more important to you than their feelings. That's a sucky feeling.
That's not to say that sometimes heated discussions about major relationship problems don't occasionally devolve into some ugly bumping. Hell, all sorts of conversations devolve into some ugly bumping. Just the other day, M and I were talking about work, and suddenly we were on the bed trying to convince ourselves our legs would hold us long enough to walk to the couch five feet outside our bedroom. There's nothing wrong with that. Just make sure any time you have sex mid-disagreement, when you've finished riding the high that is the after-sex glow, come back down to reality and address the problem that got you to that point to begin with. That makes all the difference.