Enough with these sissy sports like weight lifting and swimming, its time to put some real competition on TV. Laser tag 2016!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’d have at least 2 gold medals if they would just smarten up and make laser tag an Olympic sport already. I tried to make it as a Greco roman wrestler, a power lifter and a bobsledder. I failed at all and it’s all because my true calling isn’t recognized by the Olympic committee.

If only I could be the laser tag Olympic champion I’d be set for life. I’d have all the sweet laser tag sponsorships. I’d have a Chuck Taylor shoe deal with Converse and you’d see me on slush puppy and soft pretzel commercials all over the world.