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What Is The Worst Chocolate In The Box?

dcastle

No matter what verity box of chocolates you buy there is always going to be that one or two nobody will dare put in their mouth. Why keep making boxes with these disgusting filler flavors? Here is the breakdown of what the best and the worst kinds of chocolates there are. Take note, candy companies, and work on making a better box for tomorrow.

Top Flavors:

Anything with nuts – This is a guaranteed homerun. Nuts add a consistency to the candy that is never under appreciated. Whether its pecan, walnut, almond or peanut; chocolate and nuts have been best friends since before the first coming. You want a sure thing?  Reach for this chocolate in the box. (Mega bonus points if caramel is involved with the nuts)

Peanut Butter Anything – there really is no need to explain myself on this one. Peanut butter is just what happens when peanuts slip on some sexy lingerie. Sure, it’s still the same peanut but now it’s stepped up its appeal by 300%. (Peanut Butter Crunch also an acceptable form)

Coconut – This is only a top chocolate if prepared correctly. The coconut involved must be in its full form. Stay away from anything coconut flavored or coconut creamed. These creams and gels are found only in scary town in the verity chocolate world.

dcastle

Bottom Flavors:

Fruit -  Last time I checked this was a box of candy not some South Caribbean lady’s hat. Fruit can try and sneak into a caramel or nut cluster but no intelligent human is going to be fooled. Fruit slipping into a nut cluster is like a polar bear trying to hang out with a group of guinea pigs. “Listen dude, we totally notice you don’t belong. Plus its super dangerous you’re even around.”

Maple – When has anyone anywhere ever said “Maple? That sounds delicious!” NEVER, that’s when. This is a box of chocolates designed to appeal to the average person. How many Lumber jacks do you really think are buying this box? If the answer is very little, than why put maple anything in it?

Creams – Cream flavors are the chocolates way of half-assing the job of creating a compelling flavor. “I’d like to make a delicious vanilla candy but I just don’t feel like putting in the effort. I know, I’ll just make a vanilla cream candy that taste awful. That should do the trick!”

Molasses – You ought to be ashamed of yourself!

 

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