What is a Monday Noodle?

A Christmas Story is my favorite holiday movie, but, that does not mean that I have some questions and concerns. Like, have you ever listened closely or put the captions on just so you can try and understand what the father is saying when he is wrestling with the furnace and ask yourself "What is a Monday Noodle?" 

What exactly is the Father doing with the furnace anyway?

It can't be safe!

What does the Father do for a living?

What sweepstakes did the Father enter to win a leg lamp anyway?

Why don't the Mother and Father have names?

How does Randy get out of his snow suit when he gets to school and how does he get it back on?

He can't put his arms down!

Is it coincidence that the child actor who plays the kid who gets his tongue stuck to the pole grows up to do porn?

Why do they call him Flick?

Why is Schwartz celebrating Christmas?

Is it bad that the Mother reacts with apathy when she can hear Schwartz's Mom beating him?

Does it come as a surprise that I don't question anything about Ralphie's day dreams?

Of course his Teacher is going to be wearing a hat with a giant feather.

Where does Ralphie get the fruit basket?

Did his Mom or Dad not think it was a little weird that he wanted to get his teacher a giant fruit basket for Christmas?

Ralphie says that he thought she would be tired of the same old things, but there are pears, apples and oranges on her desk.

Why is no one doing anything about these two kids beating up all the other kids right in front of the school?

Did they build this school in the middle of a junk yard?

When Ralphie is waiting in line to see Santa, is the weird, annoying kid a boy or a girl?

Why is the mall allowing this Santa to be physically and verbally abusive to kids?

Do these people have Meatloaf for dinner everyday, except Holidays?

Why can't I have Meatloaf for dinner everyday?

We know that the Parkers have family because the Aunt sends them gifts, but where is the rest of their extended family?

Did Randy get what he wanted for Christmas?

I can keep going, but I won't because I want answers. If you have an answer for any of my questions or a question, or a tasteful witty observation about A Christmas Story fire away.