Everybody uses the bathroom but we all don’t use the bathroom the same way. Some people may consider how you use the bathroom to be weird or possibly gross and you may think the same thing about someone else, but what is that weird thing you do in the bathroom?

Here are a few weird things that I know of:

The Poop Knife

Referenced on The Free Beer and Hot Wings Show, the Poop Knife is actually a thing in some families because their poo is too strong or too big to be flushed, so they have to cut it up with a special Poop Knife. It’s not actually special it’s just a knife, a knife for cutting poo.

I have never needed to cut my poop so I think it’s kind of weird that anyone else would, it almost makes me question my masculinity but I am glad that I am not shipping solid logs down the river.

The 3 Sea Shells

As seen in ‘Demolition Man’ people don’t really use the 3 Sea Shells but I would really like for someone to explain to me how one would?

The Bidet

Invented by snooty that want to wash their Bum bums and nothing else. If there is a Bidet around you can guarantee that there will also be a Butt Towel, so if you see a bidet a bathroom, hope that there are paper towels.

The Brown Cloth

Some people use cloth or towels to wipe instead of toilet paper, which sounds like a good idea in theory because toilet paper coast money and you always need it and I suppose it’s good for the environment.

Unfortunately this alternative is gross because even if you dispose of the Brown Cloth after using it, if you don’t wash it immediately it can stain or smell and every time you look at the cloth when it’s clean you’re just going to remember the time that it was not. You will also start thinking about all the other muddy valleys the cloth has ventured through.

Dan America

I have a weird bathroom habit, I can’t go number 2 anywhere but my own home because I have to shower afterward. I have ‘Fecal Fear’ there for I am obsessed with being cleansed and live in fear of leftovers, no amount of toilet paper will do, if there was a safe way for me to take a blow torch to my butt instead of a bidet I would.