I sometimes think the people of Japan are just downright sick of being human. Like this whole top of the food chain, smartest animal on the planet business just isn’t enough for them.

This new Tailly product defeats the very best part about being human. This tail reacts to your heart beat and wags uncontrollably when you are excited. What? Being able to hide your emotions is one of the biggest perks of being human. What am I supposed to do now when my girlfriend wants to tell me all about how she found three new serving dishes on sale at the store but she noticed when talking to me that my tail isn’t wagging? How can I pretend that story excites me when clearly my tail is telling her how god awful and incredibly boring I think she is?