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13 Signs You’re Way Too Into ‘Marvel’s Avengers’

Avengers New York Stock Exchange
Stephen Lovekin, Getty Images

It’s safe to say that Marvel’s ‘The Avengers‘ will explode the minds of every comic book geek who ever walked the planet when it hits theaters on May 4th. Not only is it going to rake in a ton of money, but it’s bound to make the receipts for ‘The Hunger Games’ and the last ‘Twilight’ movie look like the penny tray at a gas station.

Theaters are going to be packed to the brim with fanboys dressed as their favorite Marvel comic book characters and at least one or two very confused old people who thought they had purchased tickets to see ‘The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.’ Here are some signs that you’re taking the movie a bit too seriously.

1. You keep writing Dr. Phil to stage an intervention between Thor and his brother Loki.

2. You still wear Captain America Underoos, even though they stopped making them when you were 6.

3. You learned the hard way that a garbage can lid painted with red, white and blue stripes and a giant white star on it doesn’t stop bullets.

4. Your accurate Iron Man costume landed you a spot on the NSA’s “No Fly” list.

5. You’ve spent your life savings making a skin tight Emma Peel suit that doesn’t chafe in the crotch. (Whoops, wrong ‘Avengers.’)

6. By law, you’re not allowed within 500 yards of a bow and arrow set, whether or not the arrows have a suction cup on them.

7. The cross dresser who went to Comic-Con as Black Widow told you to “tone it down.”

8. Just walking in public in your Thor outfit earns you a felony.

9. You refuse to show up for work until your boss agrees to wear the Nick Fury eye patch.

10. Thanks to all the radiation treatments you’ve subjected yourself to, you haven’t turned into an “Incredible Hulk” but you do make a nice light-up wiseman in your Christmas nativity scene.

11. The last time you tried to fight off a robber in your Iron Man outfit, you were able to thwart their evil deeds by making them laugh until they fell into a coma.

12. You hold the world record for the number of times you’ve been tazered and pepper-sprayed by Stan Lee.

13. Every time you call 911, you ask for Thor.

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