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The Free Beer & Hot Wings Morning Show

It’s 5 guys.. two with stupid names, an angry Armenian, a producer with donkey teeth and one guy who actually knows what he is doing.Wake up every morning 5a-10a with the Free Beer & Hot Wings show and catch the best of every Saturday morning 6a-10a.

FREE BEER AS WRITTEN BY HOT WINGS AND ERIC ZANE

Free Beer is, without a doubt, the biggest baby in the history of babies. While he is clearly one of the all-time greats when it comes to insulting people or things, he cannot handle it when someone says even one thing insulting to him!!! In fact, if he’s reading this at the same time you are, odds are he’s now pissed because of the numerous insults. He LOVES making people feel stupid, but the fact that this was written in the first place no doubt resulted in a ruined day for Free Beer, complete with the now famous “Quiet” treatment, the “I’ll whine like a bitch” treatment, or the “I’ll Stick out my giant pale lips and be difficult” treatment. Free Beer is also bad at sarcasm, in that it’s impossible to differentiate when he’s being a smart-ass and when he’s just being a dick. Free Beer loves all sports and is a certified trivia and stat geek. He really loves basketball. If the game of basketball had a vagina, he’d make love to it. Not a lot of people know it, but Free Beer used to do play-by-play for CBA basketball. In fact, he’s looking to call donkey basketball games, if anyone’s interested… Another little known fact about Free Beer is that he used to teach (As did Hot Wings). Yes, it’s sad but true. The man who helped bring us the “Nimbus 2000″ prank, the Warren Moon Porn order, and Flower Shop Forum calls has had a strong influence on the country’s future workforce.

HOT WINGS AS WRITTEN BY FREE BEER AND ERIC ZANE

Hot Wings is slow. Not in the sense that he licks windows and has to live in a group home, but rather in the sense that he does everything with deliberation. He thinks about HOW he’s going to do something far longer than he spends actually doing it to make sure he’s going about it the right way. His problem is that in order for him to accomplish something he has to devise the perfect plan. While the normal person thinks, “I’m going to butter this bread”…Hot Wings thinks, “I need to apply butter to this wheat based food substance, and I believe that I could best accomplish that by using a metallic spreader/cutter tool to completely cover the substance in the rich, creamy, substance. This would be best accomplished by moving in a left-to-right motion. First, I must ponder the amount of butter needed to get complete, but not over-coverage, as that would be wasteful.” What you just read would have taken him fifteen minutes and he no doubt would have been distracted by some minor unimportant detail along the way such as someone mispronouncing a word in a conversation he wasn’t even a part of. His wife thinks this is a terrific quality…but not really, because who would? Hot Wings loves music and cars so much that the same vagina analogy used to describe Free Beer’s love of sports applies, and is knowledgeable about both. In fact Hot Wings is knowledgeable about a lot of things. His problem is, because of his ability to memorize useless facts like who played Mel the cook on Alice, and who Max Grabowski is; he thinks he’s smarter than everyone else. As a result, in Hot Wings’ mind, he never makes mistakes and will always try to justify anything he has done. As a result, his logic is often clouded by his own ego. Try as he might, he will never see his own flaws until proof has been provided. And finally, Hot Wings is a classic under-achieving loner who must be prodded into doing things, but as you read earlier he can justify it: “I could have done a better job on that, but I really didn’t want to.” OR “I don’t like to rush into things, but I was gonna get to it.” We should probably include some good things: He’s tall, so he can reach a lot of things. Hot Wings is generally prompt. He usually has money since he’s so cheap. He thinks he’s the best driver in the world, so we guess he’s confident. And he has the biggest Adam’s apple we’ve ever seen.

ERIC ZANE AS WRITTEN BY FREE BEER AND HOT WINGS

Let’s start with the good stuff. Zane is a loving husband and father of three adorable children. When he’s around his children, it’s the only time his common sense is able to overwhelm his alarming ability to be an ass. It’s an understatement to say that Eric Zane is prone to over-reaction. Zane’s reaction to everyday disagreements and interactions are roughly like trying to kill a fly with a nuclear bomb. His reactions to things could best be described as “knee-jerk”. He doesn’t think things through, as there are no consequences too great to make it worth quelling his emotional flashpoints. Also, Zane is fearless, which only adds to his desire to get attention in any way he can. Unfortunately, its this quality that makes him most likely to be fired in a blaze of glory after he told the boss that he should take a flying f— at a rolling donut before he ever asks him to move out of the way again in the hallway. You see, Eric Zane has two forms of expression: silence and rage. So the question is, why all the pent up emotion? With a wife, three children and two dogs, he has no time to relax. The time he could use for himself is now taken up cleaning out the wrinkles in his Bull Dog’s face. Zane is a paradox. He looks at Internet porn mercilessly, and will tell you about it on the way to church. He eats all the time, but is probably on the best shape of the three of us, presumably because the only thing he does more than eat is go to the bathroom to drop off Topeka Stink Pickles. He doesn’t even have time to clean out his “ghetto” car, which is hopelessly filled with boogers and fingernails. Amongst his sea of anger, it’s his humanity that makes him tolerable. No one we’ve ever met is more likely to have outrageous things happen to him and then be dumfounded as to how all these things could happen to one person. How would Eric Zane make his life and all of yours better? He’d return us all to a time when disagreements could be settled by an honest fist fight. No punching when someone’s down. And winner walks away with the girl. Or, in Eric’s case, pounds his pud while thinking of the girl.

PRODUCER JOE

Hows it goin’ everybody. We’ve yet to write a full bio for Joe. Instead, it is a work in progress. Writing more as we learn about him. First of all, it needs to be pointed out that Joe was a greasy fat pig when he came to us in early 2005. Since then, he’s stopped eating as much and he looks like a different person. Seriously. Joe has a massive head, not unlike a 30 year old milking cow. His melon is covered with curly blond locks. His stupid hair makes him look a lot like old school pitcher Mark Fydrich or the guy who played the “Greatest American Hero”. Joe is a rather thoughtful person who treats others well. It’s impossible to make him angry. Except when Zane smashes lipstick in his face and grinds it into his teeth (see Joe singing in drag video).

Schedule

M-F 5:00 am - 10:00 am
Sa 6:00 am - 10:00 am

DJs Posts

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Producer Joe Sings At His Friend Talkative Gary’s Wedding [FBHW]

Producer Joe was at his friend Talkative Gary's wedding over the weekend.  He was asked several months ago by the bride to do a reading at the wedding.  Gary's fiance was hoping that Joe would read a love poem for the couple.  After Joe searched and searched for the perfect poem and couldn't find it, he decided to perform a song instead.

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its about god
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Priest Ruins Wedding Ceremony

It's very common for a team of photographers to document all the special moments during a wedding.  What isn't common is when the priest blows up on one of the photographers during the middle of the ceremony.  This is exactly what happened during a couple's big day, and the looks on their faces are absolutely priceless.  Check it out below.

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FBHW
FBHW
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Producer Joe’s Nashville Airhorn Stunt [FBHW]

Free Beer and Hot Wings visited 102.9 The Buzz in Nashville a few weeks ago to do a live show.  The guys brought their infamous air horn with them and decided that Nashville would be the perfect place for a prank.  Producer Joe brought the air horn in to the lobby of the radio station they were visiting and proceeded to blast hundreds of decibels worth of noise in to the The Buzz's sister stations' studios!

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Getty Images, Kevin Winter
Getty Images, Kevin Winter
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Free Beer And Hot Wings Discuss Who Is The Best Villain Of All Time [FBHW]

Today on the show, the guys found an article that talked about the most awesome villains of all time.  Everyone on the show weighed in on who they thought were the best villians of all time were.  Surprisingly, not a single villain was named twice.  Check out each of the guys' lists!

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FBHW
FBHW
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Former Intern Butthead Lautner Reminds The Crew Of His Antiquing Video [FBHW]

Former FBHW intern, Butthead Lautner, decided to stop in for a visit this morning.  While he was in the studio with the guy, they recalled some of the adventures that Lautner participated in.  Zane talked about when Lautner hit on him and Producer Joe reminded everyone of that time he antiqued the intern.  You can watch the antique video after the jump.

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YouTube
YouTube
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Danish Girls Go Topless To Help Control Speeding [FBHW]

The Danish have long been known to be a liberal people.  They have a history of tolerance towards sex, drinking, and even speeding.  In fact, speeding has turned into such a problem in the country that a group of women known as the "Speed Control Bikini Bandits" are working to slow motorists down.

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ABC News
ABC News
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Casino Blunder Causes Two Men To Win A Million Dollars [FBHW]

Over the weekend, a Cincinnati casino accidentally awarded a $1 million prize to the wrong person.  Kevin Lewis was the lucky winner of the million dollar prize, but what the casino didn't anticipate is that there were two men named Kevin Lewis  who entered in the contest.  The Kevin Lewis that was there for the drawing was assumed to be the correct Kevin Lewis and awarded the prize.

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FBHW
FBHW
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Producer Joe’s Vegas Vacation [FBHW]

This morning on the show, Producer Joe recapped his Vegas Vacation from the weekend.  Joe headed out to the land of sin for his buddy's bachelor party.  After several delays at the airport Joe made it to the hotel in Vegas late.  Once he arrived he saw that the bachelor was already close to passed out.  Joe took it upon himself to find something to do...

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Category: Free Beer & Hot Wings Tags:
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Producer Joe Tells Jokes Written By The Sexist Joke Computer [FBHW]

A computer has been created by scientists at the University of Edinburgh that is designed to write one-liner jokes.  The computer specializes in writing jokes that compare men or women to an object.  Producer Joe loved these jokes so much that he decided to head out on the street to share these jokes with the public.

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YouTube
YouTube
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‘I ❤ Head’ Campaign Signs Being Stolen During Phoenix City Council Election [FBHW]

A Phoenix City Council candidate designed a campaign sign that is turning heads and ultimately being stolen off of lawns.  The campaign sign reads "I ❤ Head," which is a double entendre because the candidates name is Austin Head.  Clever.  The campaign ads are so popular, Head is being asked to put his message on t-shirts as well.

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Category: Weird News
YouTube
YouTube
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Detroit Reporter Performs Worst Interview Ever [FBHW]

A Detroit TV news station sent out a green reporter to a county fair to do a piece on the morning news.  The piece started out decent enough, with the reporter sitting on a ladder talking to a stilt walker at the fair.  The interview quickly turned South as the reporter and the stilt walker both began to stumble over their words.  The interview continued to get worse eventually hitting it's peak when the reporter stated "I was originally going to come... uh... inbetween her... uh... legs."

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YouTube
YouTube
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The Dumbest Bank In America Foreclosed On The Wrong House [FBHW]

An Ohio bank made a huge error last week when they foreclosed on the wrong person's home.  The bank sent repo men to the house to remove the belongings and to change the locks.  The bank claims that the repo men got confused with the GPS system they were using and ended up at the wrong address.

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