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Sex Toys & Porno – Not Just For Bad Boys And Girls Anymore

Some people seem to be under the impression that a little ‘extra help’ in the bedroom is just for deviants, but that is not the case.

tibchris/flickr

In case it wasn’t clear before, this “M” I keep referring to is my partner. On Twitter, he goes by @Mindcryme. Other places, he goes by Melen. Other places (like our bedroom), he goes by other names that start with “M”. So I just call him “M” cause it’s easier.

Let’s just get this out of the way, right now. M is fantastic in the sack and he says I am, too.

Why am I telling you this? Well, because from the comments on Facebook about porn, sex toys and dirty talk, it seems like some of you think there’s no reason for anything but the missionary position with the lights of – and absolutely NO TALKING!!! – unless your lover is bad at sex. I’m here to tell you that’s just total BS.

I mean, if you’re cool with missionary with the lights off, man, that’s okay, too. I used to think I was. But then I started reading facts and fiction about sex, and I met a few couples who were swingers, or polyamorous, or just plain liked to have sex with people outside their relationship, and I started to experiment. With everything.

Except any sort of “Two Girls, One Cup” scenario. Don’t even ask. The answer will always be no. Ew.

One of the women in one of the couples sold sex toys for a living (and made a killing at it!) so I decided to try some. At the time, I was in a relationship with a man who was terrible in bed, and a horrible partner, to boot, but out of some misguided duty to him, I chose to stick around. So sex toys seemed the easiest, least offensive way to spice up our sex life, which I hoped would perk up our relationship. In the end, it turned out I loved sex toys … but I still hated him. Hence the whole “ex” thing.

By the time M and I met, I’d had sex with so many people, and tried so many different things, and yet, his sexcapades were still far in advance to mine. Hell, he traveled all the way down the east coast to help a girl move in exchange for some kinky shenanigans in the bedroom at her request, and spent some time with an even kinkier chick half way across the country “just because”. He’s like the rock ‘n roll god of sex! Or something.

So when we were in full swing, I started searching around on the web for even more pointers, ways to improve my technique, things I could do to knock his socks off in ways none of the girls who knew more about sex than I did had tried. The more research I did, the more I realized I liked things like porn, dirty talk, a little slap and tickle in the bedroom.

But not because M doesn’t do it for me. He absolutely does. There’s never a time where porn or sex toys or anything like that can turn me on more than just him, focused on me, putting his all into making sure that I feel just as good as he does. Hell, I’ve got a Hitachi Magic Wand (if you’ve never heard of it, look it up), and M’s still better.

It’s not about being good at it, or doing it wrong. It’s about what a person likes. Just standing firmly on the side of “If you’re doing it right, you don’t need ‘X’ to please your partner.” (whatever “X” is for you) means you’re gonna be missing out on a lot of fun. Trust me!

And if the person you’re getting sexy with is into those things, it’s not gonna last long. Mostly because they’ll know what you think of those things, and the people who do like those things, and won’t want you to think that way about them. Or they’ll already be insulted.

Either way, it all comes down to ego. If you’re ego’s so big you can’t handle your partner being sexually aroused or satisfied by anything or anyone but you … Well, you’re in for a world of disappointment, because attraction doesn’t just turn off when you’re in a relationship. But that’s another topic for another day.

Do some soul searching. Figure out why you think using sexual aids like sex toys, porn or dirty talk somehow means you fail at sex. And then? Do something about it. Cause seriously, you’re missing out. Seriously.

Check out Rayne on twitter @insatiabledesire

 

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