Sex Tips From Dan America

On The Free Beer & Hot Wings Morning Show they are going over a list of Sex Tips, some real and some fake, from Cosmo. How do they know? I guess they tried it out before they wrote the article. The guys turned it into a game of course, Free Beer reading each tip and the rest of the guys have to figure out which are real and fake. In my opinion, if it is coming from Cosmo, it is all fake! Brian Williams would agree with me. So I made my own list, all of these tips are real, Brian Williams agree with me. 

1. Bring a Sharpie.

Some peoples naked torso looks like a giant face and all it needs is a mustache or some glasses.

2. Have them sign a waiver.

Tell them it is because afterward they will never be the same. People are stupid, this one is bound to impress someone. If the sex does not provide a life altering experience have them sign another waiver.

3. Don't have sex after eating at a buffet.

There is nothing worse then two bloated bodies, sweating weird greasy buffet sweat, burping up buffet blasts into each others face while trying to get it on.

4. Make sure you have the other persons consent.

Seriously.

5. If your a woman, have sex with me. 

That is a good tip.

6. Remind me that I am married.

7. Remind my wife that we are married.

So that she will have sex with me.

8. Don't listen to Beck or Taylor Swift during sex.

Because Kanye will show up and tell you that Beyonce is better.

9. If you want to cheat, have sex with Brian Williams.

No one will believe you.

10. Girls have a WHO HA! Boys have a Ding-a-Ling.

That is technically a sex tip.

11. Guest Book. 

I am Dan America and I make lists for America.