Sex Games: NFL Playoffs Edition
Last year, around this time, I was babbling about how not to kill your partner during the playoffs, and what kind of things to do to keep the fire alive when you’d rather be watching the game. These are important things to know for those of us who are involved with someone who’s not a football fan! So if you haven’t already, you should go read those and bring some peace back to your normally blissful relationship. Don’t worry. Football season’s almost over. Till next season, anyway.
It’s that time, again. Can you believe it’s been a year? 2012 seemed to fly by.
You know you gotta freshen your moves, right? The same romantic moves you put on to get up to no good during the games aren’t going to work this time. Your lover’s wise to them. You’ve got to go at it in a different way. Play a few games of your own. Start by picking teams.
Last weekend was Wildcard Weekend, and odds are high there were lots of bets flying around. Despite the fact that gambling is illegal in most places, people just love to do it. We’ll make a bet over just about anything.
“The sky’s purple.”
“No it isn’t, you idiot. The sky’s blue.”
“Wanna make a bet?”
One of my twitbuds (I’m @insatiabldesire, but be warned: I’m very NSFW) was busy making a wager of his own, a la 50 Shades of Grey style, with his FWB. Whoever called the winning team of the Green Bay game got to be the dominant the next time they had sex.
(Quick grammar lesson for the n00bs jumping on the BDSM bandwagon because of 50 Shades. “Dominant” is an adjective – “dominant personality”. “Dominate” is a verb – “The Falcons dominate the NFC.” Learn it, love it, live it.)
She won. I dunno what happened after that. I suck at follow up. But I say follow in their footsteps. Pick your own prize if you’re not into kink or power exchange. Got a fantasy you want fulfilled, or something your partner doesn’t do very often that you just love? Those make perfect things to gamble with.
Get your partner to tell you their fantasy, or what they love you doing, and make that their prize.
Sit back, enjoy the game, and watch the spirit of competition rise. Pun optional.
So here are the rules. Their team gets a field goal, you remove something small, like a shoe. They get a touchdown, and there goes your shirt. Your team gets a field goal, you put something small back on. You get a touch down, and you can have your shirt back. When someone’s naked, the game’s over. Here’s hoping someone loses because you have to be at least half naked for this next game.
Mouth Party Madness
Wait, wait, wait. What’re you doing? Don’t just go straight for dessert. You haven’t even tried the appetizer. Sit up!
That’s better. Now…let’s begin. Here are the rules.
If Your Team:
Gets a first down: Neck nibbling! Your partner has to nibble on your neck for the next 2 minutes.
Kicks a field goal: Leg licking! JUST the legs. You can get to the rest later! Two minutes of leg licking, though, and later might come pretty soon!
Scores a touchdown: You get to pick a spot and your partner has to taste and tease till your team has the ball again. Unless their team gets a touchdown. Then you switch till their team gets the ball again.
Loses the ball: You are stoopid! Your partner gets to pick a place and you have to lick, kiss, suck and nibble for the rest of the half.
Follow this where ever it leads. Mouth parties are way more fun than football. Just sayin’.