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Real Life 40-Year-Old Virgin

flickr user - rollenran

This woman turns 40 in May and hasn’t even as much as kissed a man. Lesbian? She claims not. Horrendously ugly? Not exactly – even ugly women have a special place at the late night bar pecking order. So why is this chick still pinching her legs together?

According to the Sun Online, Charlotte Baird claims she made a promise to her self that the man she slept with would be “the one”, and she claims she hasn’t met him yet. Now I’m not about to make fun of someone for their decisions and out looks on life… wait a min, yes I am!

First off: “the one”? That’s the biggest piece of crap ever. I understand we want to prevent teenage pregnancy and carless transfer of disease. But how can you honestly know if you are meant for someone if you aren’t sure if you are sexually compatible? When if the person you love turns out to only like missionary, and you need to spice things up by brings a live duck, some rain ponchos and a small amount of franks red hot sauce. Not saying every one is that freaky, but some people might be (if so call me.)

Look Charlotte, I get it, you made a promise to your self and you want to stick with it. That’s neat; I made a promise to my self when I was 15. I swore off drugs and alcohol. But less then a decade later things changed. You know why? Because as you grow up, you realize how stupid kids can be! Loosen up and get laid lady. I just watched a movie starring John Cusack and if the facts are true the rapture is coming and you’re going not understand the uncomfortable feeling and humiliation that comes with sloppy shameful sex. Do you really want to get Twenty Twelve’d as a virgin?

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