What Would Not Get Donations?

The Free Beer & Hot Wings Morning Show just reported on a man from Michigan who walks 21 miles to work and back, who is finally getting some relief, thanks to some generous donations on gofundme.com. This 56 year old man is getting a car. It has been brought to my attention that there are a lot of these sites where people can ask for money. What I want to know is what won't people donate money to.

This is a list of things that you would think people would not donate money toward, the scary part is, that these are things that; "That you would think people would not donate money toward." But I guarantee you that some of these ideas could earn donations.

So now this is a test of morals and I am inviting all of you to judge these ideas, kind of like "Shark Tank" but the goal is to see if people will donate money toward bad or morally bankrupt causes and business ideas.

1. I need a pack of smokes.

I have run out of smokes, please donate so I can smoke cigarettes.

2. Legal Marijuana won't come to me so I need to go to it.

Please donate money toward my goal of moving to the state of Washington so I can get a job at a coffee shop and smoke weed all day.

3. Help me think of an idea.

Please donate so that I can come up with an idea to spend your donation money on.

4. School for Strippers. 

Taking off your clothes for money, is a noble profession that not all, because you are making people who are unhappy because no one will take their clothes off for them. It is also a profession that not everyone is prepared for. Please donate toward my cause of opening a school for strippers where I will be the Dean of Admissions.

5. Flux Capacitor.

Please donate toward my cause of developing technology so that I can travel back in time. If it works, you will remember that I thanked you.

6. New Meth Lab.

My last one blew up, I need a new one so I can cook meth.

7. Monster Slayer.

Are you worried about Zombies, Vampires, Werewolves? please donate toward my goal of raising enough money for everything I need so that I can fight the forces of evil.

8. Help me find Jesus. 

Looked everywhere have not found him yet, need money to travel the world in search of Jesus. Donate now or the devil will find me first.

9. Guinness World Record For Most Donations.

Help me set the World Record for the charity that received the most donations ever.

10. Santa is on the my naughty list!

I did not get what I wanted for Christmas, please donate toward my journey to the North Pole so I can confront him. Because who is he to judge us?

11. Need restraining order lifted.

I am not a stalker, but most of my ex-girlfriends have restraining orders against me. I need money for a car and disguise so I can convince them that they are wrong.