Oh great, now we’re going to have a bunch of pasty ugly white teenagers walking around. Thanks a lot Government!Governor Andrew Cuomo just recently signed legislation placing a ban on teens 17 and under from using tanning beds. This might sound like good news for you health conscious nerds, but for shallow people like me this looks terrible!

I’m not a big fan of the health risk that comes with the good old fake and bake, but I am a professional wrestler and a very superficial shallow person. I hate going tanning, I feel dirty and defeated every time I hand that 16 year old girl my money. However, I’m a fan of freedom and American liberty. Putting a ban on Teen Tanning just doesn’t seem American!

The life of teenager sucks! You’re stuck in a crappy high school where kids pick on you and judge you all day, you can’t drive after 9pm, you live with your parents, you can buy beer, and you’re not old enough to buy cigarettes. Tanning was the one thing unhealthy you could legally do to your body and now the government has gone and taken that away from you.

I hope you’re happy NY, you just made teenagers a lot more pale and  miserable.