I can’t believe I am only hearing about this masturbation month now. I’m sure someone told me earlier but I was probably too distracted masturbating to listen.

According to EmpowerHer.com May is national Masturbation month which is strange because I have been celebrating already for about 180 months straight. So if this is truly the month we should all recognize our diddly-dads and dingle hoppers than I suppose I must get my act together. I’m just now noticing it’s the month to celebrate and it’s almost over. I’m going to have to work hard these next few days to cram a whole months worth of masturbating into just three days. I fear when I’m done celebrating my clown will look as if I pushed it out of a speeding vehicle. It’s a small price to pay to show my patriotism.

So if this is the first you are hearing about masturbation month, than head to the streets. Rise up and reach far into your pants and don’t be afraid to enjoy the love of your own hand. Happy Masturbation Month Everyone!