Let me Dan Americasplain Thanksgiving to you
The day before Thanksgiving is the busiest travel day of the year, the day after Thanksgiving is the biggest shopping day of the year, Thanksgiving Day is the biggest meal of the year, it's America at it's finest.
I have been giving this speech for four years now, at first I was upset with America and insisted that Squanto did not show us how to use the land so that we can go shopping. Over the years it occurred to me that burning fossil fuels, watching parades, football and stuffing our faces before the we go shopping like a bunch of stampeding cattle is what America is all about!
So the question is: Did Squanto show us how to use the land so that we could go shopping?
Then there is the Cyber Monday factor to take into consideration because if you're shopping online then there is no need to go out to the malls on Black Friday, so did Squanto show us how to use the land so that we could create the internet?
After four years of asking these questions I think I finally found an answer.
Squanto showed us how to use the land so that we can be Americans!!!
And now he probably regrets it.
If it tickles your fancy or if you don't believe that I have been doing this for four years, here is a link to a playlist of all the Thanksgiving speeches I have given over the years, it's NSFW and involves explicit language but it's for America.