Well this pretty much clears up everything. Does “no” really mean “yes” is she into me or not, is she down to settle with me tonight or am I going home alone? This dress clears up all confusion.

Sometimes when I’m out with a girl I often wonder if she enjoys my abortion jokes or the way I chug my beer and slam it down on the ground in a TGI Fridays. Well if I am talking with a chick who is rocking one of these futuristic “peek-a-boo at my fun bags” dresses then I’ll never wonder again. I can be absolutely certain my tricks and super smooth game of snorting salt packets and singing Meatloaf’s “I would do anything for love” ballet to our waitress is 100% turning her on. Thank you inventors of this Bill and Ted Esq snail trail detecting dress.