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Inmate Sues Jail for Not Giving Him Porn

 

A 21-year old prisoner in Michigan is formally bringing charges up against the jail he currently calls home because they won’t let him have his cake and eat it too.  And by cake I mean porn.
centralasian, Flickr

Kyle Richards is a resident of the Macomb County Jail in Mount Clemens, Michiganon charges of robbing a bank.  The story goes that he was captured after police followed a trail of footprints left in the snow that led to his apartment; conveniently a bag of money from the heist lay outside his doorstep.

Now Richards is crying foul over the fact that he is being denied access to porn during his tenure in jail.  Taking the “cruel and unusual punishment” provision to a whole new level, Richards argues that the denial of pornography “subjects him to a ‘poor standard of living’ and ‘sexual and sensory deprivation’,” which is a violation of his constitutional rights.  Maybe you forgot, sir, but YOU ARE IN JAIL.  There’s way more to be depressed about than the fact that you need to use your imagination to jerk off instead of getting to use any visual aids for awhile.

Wouldn’t it seem that the better way to focus your energy while sitting in a cell is to figure out a way to not be in prison?  Richards pleaded guilty, but as we all know, there are ways to get away with something even if you’re guilty (right, Casey Anthony?).  Anyway, I find it amusing that this guy is more offended at the lack of accessible gratuitous nudity than he is at the fact that he could spend the better part of his youth in jail for being a dumbass.  It says something about a criminal who doesn’t have the sense enough to cover his tracks (or hold on to the money for that matter), but will fight long and hard (no pun intended) to see that his sex drive is satiated even behind bars.  Keep workin’ on that law degree, my friend.  I’m sure it’ll pay off in the long run. Just a tip though: at this point, it might be better to grease your elbows to work more on how to get out of the klink than it is to grease your palm to spank the monkey.  Just sayin’.

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