If you’re drunk on a football field wearing a strap on, make sure your blind side is protected. I’ve been pretty drunk before but never have I been so drunk I thought I could wander onto a field full of testosterone pumped animals unharmed.

This kid does almost everything right to walk out of this situation unharmed. He’s shirtless which is a great way to intimidate your attackers. Also, he has the zombie stare down perfect. Zombie stare is important, to keep people away in fear of being bit and infected. The one thing this dude plays wrong is he should have chosen a larger black dong to wear. Seeing that tiny thing flop isn’t nearly enough to keep dudes from tackling you, in fact it kind of just encourages it.