How To Make Your Relationship Work
On my personal blog (which I'm not going to link here because it's super NSFW, and a little controversial, but you're welcome to Google me if you're interested), I'm working on a list of writing prompts that ask questions about my relationship and my sexuality. I love this particular set of prompts because it allows me to explain the more extreme side of my sex life in a way that allows people who aren't into it to understand why I am. Understanding leads to tolerance, and even acceptance, and I'm all about that. Live, and let live, baby.
This week, the prompt I worked with asked about the most important thing to keep your relationship healthy, and I thought to myself, "Self, your readers over at Q103 should hear this, too."
You can probably guess what I'm going to say. I harp on it a lot. But I'm gonna say it anyway.
So this morning, you have to drop your car off at the shop, and you need your partner to follow you in their car, and drive you to work. After work, you need them to pick you up and drive you to the shop, but you never told them that. You only asked them to drive you to work. How do you think that's going to go for you?
Your alarm was late for some bizarre reason, and now you're late for work. And now that you're up, you find out your partner reorganized your kitchen and bathroom yesterday, and didn't tell you. How long do you think it'll take for you to find everything you need to get ready? And how many times do you think you'll curse your partner in the process? Man, I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation when you see them next.
One of you is pregnant, and one of you doesn't want kids. The non-breeder reacts badly. The word "abortion" is batted around. The breeder is heartbroken and appalled. And suddenly, you're both left wondering why you didn't discuss children or contraception before having sex.
And while we're on the subject of sex, it sucks. Maybe whatever the two of you are doing would work out if you were doing it with other people, but it sure as hell isn't working right now. You've both been hinting all over the place but you're both too afraid of hurting each other's feelings, so you haven't just outright showed each other what DOES work for you.
And now, you're thinking of breaking up. I mean, just look at all those problems. How can your relationship, which may or may not involve the added stress of a child in 9 months, ever survive them?
Except from where I sit, I see one big problem causing all those problems. All of them could have been avoided with one simple relationship survival skill. If the two of you had just taken the time to communicate, even the controversial baby could have been avoided. And you'd better hone those communication skills quick, because you've now got some serious decisions to make.
Relationships take a lot of work. They require loyalty, trust, patience, honesty, strength, humility, cooperation...but most of all, they require communication. Without it, all is lost. If you can't or dont openly communicate every little thought in your head (within reason, and at the right time...belting out that you have to poop while your partner is on a business call is probably unnecessary and unwanted) with the person you're with, your relationship won't even survive the little things (not taking you to pick up your car), let alone the big things (a surprise pregnancy).