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How To Get Into College

WSJ online

Suzy Lee Weiss hit the nail on the head with this letter she wrote to wall street journal. Frustrated after not getting into the school’s she wanted Suzy vented in best way possible, with sarcasm. This chick is only a senior in high school and already I love her. Well maybe I don’t “love” her “love” her, but I do love this letter she wrote basically telling the entire institution of college and their admissions officers to go F themselves.

Like me, millions of high-school seniors with sour grapes are asking themselves this week how they failed to get into the colleges of their dreams. It’s simple: For years, they—we—were lied to.

Colleges tell you, “Just be yourself.” That is great advice, as long as yourself has nine extracurriculars, six leadership positions, three varsity sports, killer SAT scores and two moms. Then by all means, be yourself! If you work at a local pizza shop and are the slowest person on the cross-country team, consider taking your business elsewhere.

What could I have done differently over the past years?

For starters, had I known two years ago what I know now, I would have gladly worn a headdress to school. Show me to any closet, and I would’ve happily come out of it. “Diversity!” I offer about as much diversity as a saltine cracker. If it were up to me, I would’ve been any of the diversities: Navajo, Pacific Islander, anything. Sen. Elizabeth Warren, I salute you and your 1/32 Cherokee heritage.

I also probably should have started a fake charity. Providing veterinary services for homeless people’s pets. Collecting donations for the underprivileged chimpanzees of the Congo. Raising awareness for Chapped-Lips-in-the-Winter Syndrome. Fun-runs, dance-a-thons, bake sales—as long as you’re using someone else’s misfortunes to try to propel yourself into the Ivy League, you’re golden.

Having a tiger mom helps, too. As the youngest of four daughters, I noticed long ago that my parents gave up on parenting me. It has been great in certain ways: Instead of “Be home by 11,” it’s “Don’t wake us up when you come through the door, we’re trying to sleep.” But my parents also left me with a dearth of hobbies that make admissions committees salivate. I’ve never sat down at a piano, never plucked a violin. Karate lasted about a week and the swim team didn’t last past the first lap. Why couldn’t Amy Chua have adopted me as one of her cubs?

Then there was summer camp. I should’ve done what I knew was best—go to Africa, scoop up some suffering child, take a few pictures, and write my essays about how spending that afternoon with Kinto changed my life. Because everyone knows that if you don’t have anything difficult going on in your own life, you should just hop on a plane so you’re able to talk about what other people have to deal with.

Or at least hop to an internship. Get a precocious-sounding title to put on your resume. “Assistant Director of Mail Services.” “Chairwoman of Coffee Logistics.” I could have been a gopher in the office of someone I was related to. Work experience!

To those kids who by age 14 got their doctorate, cured a disease, or discovered a guilt-free brownie recipe: My parents make me watch your “60 Minutes” segments, and they’ve clipped your newspaper articles for me to read before bed. You make us mere mortals look bad. (Also, I am desperately jealous and willing to pay a lot to learn your secrets.)

To those claiming that I am bitter—you bet I am! An underachieving selfish teenager making excuses for her own failures? That too! To those of you disgusted by this, shocked that I take for granted the wonderful gifts I have been afforded, I sayshhhh—”The Real Housewives” is on. -WSJ

 

Well put Suzy. The world we live in is still centuries away from true equality. I know for a fact that I would not have got into college on my grades and personality. I got into school flat out based on my ability to wrestle. I remember my senior year getting rejection letters and wait listed to schools I applied to. And these were not “good” schools either, these were state schools turning me down. Then I won the Monroe County Championships for Wrestling and the next night I got a call from The wrestling coach of The College at Brockport. He said “want to wrestle for me”? I said “sure”. Then he called me like 4 days later to say “you’re all set and accepted to our school”. I said “cool”.

Is it fair that I may have got into school over someone who may have been smarter than me just because I was a good wrestler? No, but it’s the truth and that’s how things work. This is why if I ever have children I am shipping them off to Canada to learn how to play hockey from Daniel Alfredsson until they turn 16. Then when they come back to America they will be all set for either a full ride scholarship or a contract. Either way they won’t have to have to face rejection and I won’t have to pay a dime.

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