You may think keeping your beer cold with a Coors Light Beer Wolf beer coozie that you got during your 21st birthday bar tour is fine. Well, you are wrong. What you really need is a Boobzie — the beer coozie with boobs on it.

Available in 13 varieties, Boobzies are contoured beer coozies that have their own patented cleavage. Each Boobzie beer coozie has its own graphic tank top with sayings you may be familiar with from the scriptures bumper stickers. Boobzies can also be very therapeutic in the event your hands haven’t felt boobs since the early 1990s.

Boobzies cost $8.95 each and are available in custom orders, provided you are willing to spring for 5,000 of the novelty items for your next golf outing, fraternity reunion or Joel Osteen pre-game.

Other countries can go about building electric cars and solar powered cities, but only American ingenuity can come up with an idea like the Boobzie. This is what makes us great. USA! USA! USA!