So, you're thinking about surprising your lady with something really special. Something you know she's gonna love, and will wrap her right around your … finger. You're driving to the mall when suddenly some girly advertisement comes on, and you've got it! You're gonna get her something stereotypically girly. Us girls LOVE that.

This is where I'd be staring at you blankly until you caught on to the sarcasm, but there's a computer screen between us, so just imagine I'm staring at you blankly. Have you caught on yet?

I do a lot of radio listening. A LOT of radio listening. M and I like to hop in the car and drive as far as we can before we have to turn around so we can get home in time for bed, and while we drive, we listen to the radio.

Let me tell you, there are a lot of terrible promotions on the radio. Doesn't matter the genre. Every station thinks they've got the skinny on their target audience. And the more I listen, the more I have to wonder if my mom is running the airwaves. Because I'll tell you, some of the promotions some of the other guys are running right now sound like something she'd be into.

Ladies! Right now. Top four things in your life. Go!

If you just answered “getting all dressed up in my best jewelry, putting on my face and getting smashed while cooking with my fancy cooking supplies,” you're fired. You can't be a girl of the 2000s anymore. Go back to 1950. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

Okay, you can be whatever the hell you want to be, but you're in the minority. At least when we're talking about the chicks I know and love.

Remember when we were kids and our moms went to all those parties that our dads never went to? Occasionally we'd go with Mom cause Dad was doing something with the guys, and other kids doomed to our fate would be there looking just as miserable as we felt.

They were never anything so cool as the sex toy parties we've heard of (or in my case, hosted and attended), or kegers, or swingers. It was always something like Mary Kay, or Avon, or Tupperware, or some off brand of clothes. It was some kind of rite of passage for housewives to throw some shopping party or another. What's better than a bunch of friends shopping at home while sucking down wine coolers?

There's more to today's woman than that. Today's woman is always on the go. She's at school furthering her education, or steadily advancing in her career, or chasing her dreams. She's independent, and intelligent, and has far more opportunities than “bored housewife.” But some would still have you believe all we women care about is jewelry, makeup, cooking and drinking.

They are sadly mistaken.

I asked some of my buds what they shop for, and the responses were all over the board. Books, clothes, shoes, movies, gym-related items, gadgets and, believe it or not, sports memorabilia. If you ask them what they want their guys to buy, their interests are a little more similar.

“Something he knows I'll really like that I haven't asked for before.” is the most common response.

Jewelry is a cop-out. Makeup is akin to gifting her with toothpaste. Cooking supplies, unless your girl's a chef and hasn't been able to find a specific utensil she'd use all the time if only she had it, will probably be thrown at your head.

Guys, please. I'm begging you. When you're looking for something to surprise your lady with (or trying to draw the women into your business), look further than what typical advertisements geared toward women tell you we want. Cause they're quite often wrong. And you're better than that. Right?