Don’t Be Afraid of ‘Mastering Your Domain’

Every once in a while, I go check out comments on Q103's Facebook page on articles other than my own to see what you guys are talking about. It's a great opportunity to get a handle on the culture of the area, and learn who is going to be offended if they strike up a conversation with me in the street. And it gives me loads of material.

Get it? Loads? Okay, so maybe I'm really a 12-year-old boy in my mind.

The best part about it is seeing how different people are, and how wide their views on sex are spread. (Spread? I'm on a roll.) And in most cases, I'm willing to let you guys have your opinions, though I'm still going to tell you what I think every chance I get cause I really like debate. But there are just a few too many of you still terrified of your own bodies for my liking, and I really think it's time we rectify that.

So, tell me something...what's with this fear of masturbation? Did your parents, preacher, teacher, coach, or some other unnamed authority figure tell you it was “bad” or “wrong”? Did someone catch you doing it and tell everyone, causing you to get picked on about it? Did your siblings pick on you about it? Anybody ever tell you that chronic masturbators grow up to be serial killers or rapists?

Masturbation, for me, started as something “nice girls” didn't do. I don't really blame my parents for that. We only just started talking about the female orgasm as something more than a cure for a medical condition called “female hysteria” in the 20th century. Some of our grandmothers, and maybe some of our mothers, found themselves on a doctor's table being manually massaged to “hysterical paroxysm” so they'd stop being witchy. I kid you not.

Even well after the 60s, when we were all about free love, women aren't always comfortable being open about their sexuality, or their propensity for masturbation. Historically, women are supposed to receive sex, and be grateful for what they get. Men, on the other hand, are supposed to take their pleasure. Where does masturbation come into that? It doesn't. Is it any wonder that some of us still hang on to a little bit of embarrassment surrounding masturbation?

I'm really not a 12-year-old boy in my mind. I'm just completely comfortable with touching myself, exploring my own body, pleasing myself. I had to learn to be. For a long time, I was the only one who would do it.

Most of my partners weren't jerks about it, they just plain didn't know any better. A lot of the boys I messed around with weren't really experienced, and the ones who were had never been with women who were confident in their sexuality. If you can't please a woman, you're not a man, in parts of the heterosexual world, so they didn't ask questions. And Heaven forbid you should offer advice, giving testimony to their failure in the “Real Man” department.

So I masturbated. A lot. Usually in private, so I wouldn't hurt their feelings. Until one day I realized my body deserved better than that, and I began masturbating in their presence if they didn't satisfy me.

Apparently, in my group of known people I was willing to have the sex with, masturbation was a-okay. Definitely better than sleeping around, or telling them how to get me off. And most people, male and female, actually enjoy watching their partner masturbate and/or masturbating while their partner watches.

I don't think I have to tell you I'm not a “nice girl” by most people's standards. I have trouble getting off during intercourse, and so I masturbate. Hell if I'm not going to get mine when you're getting yours.

Plus, sometimes it's not about them. It's all about me and the fact that I just like to masturbate.

But beyond that, there's nothing more natural in the world than touching yourself. They say infants do it in the womb. So sex is for adults but masturbation is for kids? I'm not buying it. Get busy with yourself, and enjoy it. You're the only one who can do it just how you like it, anyhow. I like to think there's a reason for that.

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