As the new guy in the Albany area I’m still learning all the local business and last night I saw a commercial that blew my mind.

The commercial I saw was a very low budget next to home made commercial for a jewelry store in the capital region. I’m not positive if this company is a sponsor of ours or not so to play it safe it shall remain nameless but I will describe what I saw.

The commercial had a man with a very sinister smile and Mel Gibson esq mullet. He had a brown shirt and didn’t move much. And after all the slow fades of the jewelry display cases the camera cut to a shot of the entire store staff standing next to each other and very poorly choreographed, soft spoken and sex offenderish they all pointed at the camera and said something along the lines of “We’ll see you..”. Not entirely sure of the exact wording but the combinations of the smiles, the slow talking, the sexual whispering, and lethal weapon mullet I lost it.

I’m not here to judge anyone’s commercial, I’m simply here to ask the question of “does it work?” does rocking a Stamos uncle Jesse mullet and making eye sex with the camera really sell jewelry? Because after watching this ad I don’t feel like buying anything. Instead I feel like putting on a turtle neck and covering up. I’ve never felt so little before, and strangely I’m slightly turned on.