Memorial Day weekend is three days away, and some people have been preparing for this for a month. Some people have been preparing for this weekend, some for weeks, and some have just realized that Memorial Day is this weekend. I am here to help all three types of people for this three day weekend... you like what I did there with the threes?

Now, these guys have the right idea, but I do not recommend cooking with lava if you have never worked with lava before. I think Candace is from Syracuse, so if you want to cook with lava, call Candace at 476-1039.

The first thing you need to know about Memorial Day is that it is the American holiday where we honor those who serve in our country's armed forces. Many good men and women gave their lives so that we, the people could drink beer and eat meat, so slap the Vegetarian or Vegan who wants to put their soy burger of lies on your grill with a hot dog!

Make sure you have plenty of meat!

Burgers, steak, ribs, brisket, hot dogs, sausages, chicken, fish, lobster, and most important of all... BACON!

Everything else is not as important as the meat- not even plates or utensils. Just use your hands, face, and teeth to devour the flesh of these tasty animals.

You better have some beer!

Because it's the American thing to do. They tried to stop America from drinking beer before and it so did not work. There are many books, movies, and TV shows about how much it did not work, and then how it did work. In fact, when was the last time you read a book or saw a movie or TV show about people having a good old sober time during prohibition?

IT DOES'NT HAPPEN! DRINK BEER AND EAT MEAT THROUGH YOUR FACE HOLE!

Do the men and women of America's armed forces say: "I can't wait to go home and have a glass of water and tofu"?

NO!!! THEY DON'T!!! THEY WANT BEER AND MEAT!!!

I suppose anything else is not as important this Memorial Day weekend than honoring those who died serving our country, meat, and beer.