Creepy Guy Going to Jail for Having Sex With a Couch
Now that the Supreme Court has ruled in matters of love between people of the same gender, maybe it can finally tackle the long-neglected issue of love between people and furniture.
A Wisconsin man has pleaded guilty to public lewdness following his arrest last year for having sex with a couch. Yes, a couch. And you thought it was gross when your dog jumped up there to watch TV with you.
Forty-seven-year-old Gerard Streator got five years in the slammer for his truly bizarre romantic encounter. He also can’t keep any pornography (which is a bummer if he had a subscription Futon Fornicator Monthly).
Police arrested Streator last September after an off-duty officer had the distinct displeasure to catch him in the act on the side of the road. Wait — he not only had sex with a couch, but he did it on the side of the road? Let’s really hope he used protection.
The officer wrote in his report that Streator was “thrusting his pelvic area against the cushions and trying to sexually gratify himself by rubbing his penis between the two cushions.” In addition, when Streator tried to run away, the cop could see his ding-a-ling was very excited.
We thought Streator should also be forced to see a therapist, but realized it probably wouldn’t help, since he’d be so aroused by sitting on a couch the whole time.