Mike Adams

When getting married in a public place, it's pretty much become tradition for the wedding reception to be infiltrated by some level of outsider madness, like a couple of drunkards screaming “Hit it, buddy – we did!,” or a naked man who apparently has mistaken the phrase "pending nuptials" for "look at my genitals."

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The Saudi Arabian government might need to consider contacting Steven Seagal, as a new report indicates that due to a shortage of swordsmen with just the right chops, leaders may soon be forced to have criminals executed by firing squad as opposed to the traditional beheading.

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Drunken diplomats could soon be banned from attending United Nations budget negotiation meetings. That’s because earlier this week, the United States put forth a proposal asking the committee to consider prohibiting lushes and boozehounds from disrupting negotiations held by the budget assembly. 

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In a sleazy underworld full of throbbing perversion, there is a counterculture of sex fiend that exists, which not only wishes to engage in the nipple-biting taboos of the flesh, but they are also willing to drop their life savings trying to obtain such unusual fruits of Babylon – or in this case, Brazil. 

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In a wicked world of dishonest boozehounds and ripple junkies, one should never be too surprised by the size of the cojones on these shifty characters; that is, unless the bulge in their pants carries a striking resemblance to a couple cans of beer. At that point, you can rest assure that you are being ripped off. 

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Scientists believe that the key to discovering extraterrestrial life could lie deep in the festering, underground oceans of Jupiter’s ice-covered moon Europa. New research suggests that if the salt water ocean beneath the surface of the frigid moon ever makes it's way to the surface, creating an intergalactic petri dish capable of producing a life-promoting environment.

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A giant asteroid the size of a football field is scheduled to pass through Earth’s atmosphere over the weekend. Scientists say that the 330-foot-wide fiery rock will miss striking the Earth’s surface by nearly 600,000 miles - about three times the distance between our planet and the moon.

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No longer will Israelis be subjected to spanking off to nudie magazines in a language other than their own; this week Playboy released a Hebrew edition of the iconic lifestyle rag for the "discriminating gentlemen” of the holy land.

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Neck-biting boner lust, bisexuality and headless orgies are apparently pretty old news, judging from these ancient pornographic images that date back to nearly 4,000 years ago. We always knew Captain Caveman was secretly a freak.

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After witnessing some of the damage that a dinner table-sized meteor did last week after crashing into central Russia, imagine the magnitude of destruction that would have occurred if that flaming rock was the length of 18 football fields. Now stop imagining, because scientists say it happened.

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You probably didn’t know this (and if you did, you're kind of gross maybe) but unlike many other reptiles and mammals, alligators crawl around all day with a fully erect pecker tucked inside their body, which engages like a sexual switchblade (great band name) when it comes time for some of that good old Louisiana swamp lovin’. 

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Just days after a fiery meteor came crashing down on central Russia, scientists say they have now discovered a mysterious green jelly that may be some sort of space residue or “astral jelly,” a substance commonly associated with meteor showers.

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