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Albany Woman Crashes Car After Stealing Python

Hyde Park Fire House, Google Street View

An Albany woman decided it was time to own a python, in Long Island.

Pet ownership is a very serious decision not to be made on a whim. You have to be ready for the needs of your new pet, and show responsibility.

Below is what I have deduced to be the timeline of events:

 

  1. Get drunk.
  2. Decide the best life decision right now, would be ownership of a python, that’ll show whomever.
  3. Get to a pet store.
  4. Realize that snakes are expensive.
  5. Steal a snake from the pet store. It’s easy to get away with because no one believes anyone is crazy enough to steal a snake.
  6. Considering there was no consultation with the reptile experts at the pet store, decide to drive home with the snake resting comfortably on your chest, best co-pilot ever.
  7. Snake freaks out because it’s a snake, in a car, on your chest. None of this is natural.
  8. Realize there’s an angry python on your chest, lose control of vehicle, cross the median, hit a car and keep on going.
  9. Crash into the front doors of the new Hyde Park Fire House, smashing into two fire trucks.

The driver is facing charges including reckless endangerment, and driving while intoxicated.

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