Albany Woman Crashes Car After Stealing Python
An Albany woman decided it was time to own a python, in Long Island.
Pet ownership is a very serious decision not to be made on a whim. You have to be ready for the needs of your new pet, and show responsibility.
Below is what I have deduced to be the timeline of events:
- Get drunk.
- Decide the best life decision right now, would be ownership of a python, that’ll show whomever.
- Get to a pet store.
- Realize that snakes are expensive.
- Steal a snake from the pet store. It’s easy to get away with because no one believes anyone is crazy enough to steal a snake.
- Considering there was no consultation with the reptile experts at the pet store, decide to drive home with the snake resting comfortably on your chest, best co-pilot ever.
- Snake freaks out because it’s a snake, in a car, on your chest. None of this is natural.
- Realize there’s an angry python on your chest, lose control of vehicle, cross the median, hit a car and keep on going.
- Crash into the front doors of the new Hyde Park Fire House, smashing into two fire trucks.
The driver is facing charges including reckless endangerment, and driving while intoxicated.